


Of Dating, Past and Present

by irena_adler



Series: Watson [37]
Category: Numb3rs
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-11
Updated: 2015-12-11
Packaged: 2018-05-06 03:34:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5401442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irena_adler/pseuds/irena_adler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Don, Charlie and Alan tell Will about Don's disastrous first date.</p><p>(Takes place the first time Charlie and Alan meet Will.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Dating, Past and Present

Originally published: 12/07/09 

**Title:** Of Dating, Past and Present **Characters:** Don/Will, Charlie, Alan

 **  
**Rating: FRK, PG  
**Summary:** Don, Charlie and Alan tell Will about Don's first date. **  
****Word Count:** 904  
**Placement:** Watson 'verse, during dinner conversation in [Sign on the Door](http://irena-adler.livejournal.com/149706.html#signonthedoor)  
**Disclaimer:** Not my characters (except when they are), not my world, making no money. ** **  
**** Feedback: Yes, please! Feed the author!  
**A/N:** .Thanks to my beta, munchkin.

 

**Of Dating, Past and Present**

 

“She was 18-years-old, at least.”

“No way, Charlie, she was 14.”

“Maybe if you counted in base 14.”

“Get this, Will, Charlie _carded_ my date.”

“He what?”

“Demanded to see proof of age.”

“He thought she was too young?”

“No, he thought she was older than she was claiming to be. Right, Dad?”

“I’m afraid so. You see, Charlie was in this stage of demanding absolute truth of everything.”

“Made it hard to watch TV shows when your little brother is always saying, ‘Did that _really_ happen?’”

“Which is a hard question for a parent to answer, even when it’s the evening news.”

“That’s true, sir.”

“It’s Alan, Will.”

“But, wait, you guys didn’t understand. I’d been reading a lot of anatomy and biology books and I was sure there was no way that she was only 14. I wasn’t really aware of things like bell-curves and outlying statistics at the time.” 

“So Charlie starts harassing Don’s date about the size of her ‘mammary glands’.”

“Whoa, you’re kidding!”

“Nope, he’s not. And believe me, Debbie had the most _spectacular_ ‘mammary glands’ in our class.”

“I’ll bet.”

“You should have seen Margaret’s – their mother – face when Don brings Debbie over. She said to me, ‘I thought she was just a sweet little girl.’”

“She was, Dad.”

“I’ll bet. All sweet girls wear sweaters that tight.”

“In my fantasies, Dad, yeah. So Charlie starts demanding to see her driver’s license, which of course she didn’t have because she was only 14. She did have a textbook in her bag that proved we were in the same Freshman English class, which was the best proof of age Charlie was going to get.”

“Did he accept it?”

“Nope. He starts insisting that she must have been ‘held back’ in school a few years.”

“Oh, no.”

“I’m afraid Don’s right. This poor girl wasn’t only being harassed about her breast size, which I’m sure she was very self-conscious of, but also being told she was an idiot.”

“I had to sit on him.”

“Sit on him?”

“Yep.”

“Debbie left the house crying, Margaret had to go comfort her, and Don and Charlie fought.”

“It was hardly a fight. What kind of fight could I have put up? I was a skinny 9-year-old.”

“The world’s most annoying 9-year-old.”

“I doubt that.”

“Chuck, you are a total outlying statistic.”

“Well, that, actually, is true.”

“See, you’re still campaigning for the position of world’s most annoying 9-year-old.”

“Ha, ha.”

“You let them fight?”

“For a minute, then sent both of them to their rooms.”

“Don, did you ever see or date her again?”

“Naw.”

“Charlie ruined your chances with her?”

“Yeah, well, it turned out that my chances weren’t that good anyway.”

“No?”

“And even worse once Mom talked to her and got her all full of ‘find someone who likes you for your brains, not your body’.”

“Heh, oops!”

“Her and Mom hit it off and did girl stuff a couple of times after that. It was weird.”

“The next date that Don brought home was a little stick-figure of a girl. His mother and I figured that Don was trying to make sure such a thing never happened again.”

“Actually, Dad, well, um, I started dating Mandy because she was the exact sort of girl that Debbie _looked_ like she was.”

“As in …”

“As in when you and Mom weren’t around and Don was supposed to be watching me, Mandy would come over and they’d disappear into Don’s room and make all these funny sounds.”

“Hmm, I’m not sure I wanted to know that after all these years.”

“Charlie, you swore on Galileo’s grave that you wouldn’t tell.”

“Cool it, Don. I think the statute of limitations has expired on getting grounded.”

“I wouldn’t be too sure about that, young man, I’m still your father, both of you.”

“What would I be getting in trouble for? I was just an innocent bystander.”

“An innocent bystander that your mother and I relied on to tell on your brother. You usually did.”

“Actually, I computed it once, and I only reported approximately 73.4 percent of Don’s offenses.”

“That isn’t comforting, Charlie.”

“But it does mean that I have 26.6 percent of the dirt still left to use.”

“Bring it on, Chuck. What’s Dad going to do, ground me?”

“Don’t be too cocky, son. There are still things your father can do to you.”

“What, cut me out of the massive family fortune?”

“I already own the house, so you’re not getting that anyway.”

“I’ll sell whatever you’ve got sitting in the garage on an online auction.”

“No, you won’t, Dad. You’d hate dealing with pricing and posting and shipping and stuff.”

“True. Maybe I’ll just give them all to Goodwill.”

“If I may, sir, suggest something?”

“Feel free, Will.”

“Will, I better not regret bringing you …”

“I’m just trying to be helpful.”

“No, you’re trying to get me into trouble for stuff I did ages ago.”

“You’re already in trouble for it.”

“Hardly. He’s not really going to dump my stuff, babe.”

“Did you just call Will ‘babe’? No way.”

“Ignore Chuck, the still annoying 9-year-old. Will, what are you thinking …”

“Yes, Will, what are you thinking that I can do to punish Don, now that he’s all grown up and carrying a badge?”

“I know this is drastic, but how about making him buy his own beer?”

“Hey!”


End file.
